It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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