the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
