I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
