How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
