Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
