a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
