White coat. Heels.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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