yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
