i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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