Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
