Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
