Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
