My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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