I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize