Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize