I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
