I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
