i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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