five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
only if we run a train.
done.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize