My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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