why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize