My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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