Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
