I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize