there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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