can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
