Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
