I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
