Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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