mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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