I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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