Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
