Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
