wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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