he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
