you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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