the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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