I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize