My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
third nipple confirmed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
