You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
