For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
