would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
