I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize