Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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