yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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