You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
