I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
