I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
