Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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