I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
