oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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