Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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