i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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