My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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