i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
