I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
