took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
