Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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