I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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