someone owes me an orgasm
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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