Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize