Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
