I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize