my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
