There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
