Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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