I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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