I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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