If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
