just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
