I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
