That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
