i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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