I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
