o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
