remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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