my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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