Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm determined to sit on that face.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
