i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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