the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
