Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
