im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
